Belonging Without Abandonment: The Power of Authenticity

Belonging is one of our deepest human needs. When we feel included we feel valued and appreciated and when we are excluded, we experience loneliness and isolation.

The constant need to belong often comes with a price. Have you noticed how it feels when you know you are right, yet you give up something important for yourself just to be a part of a group?

• An ambitious athlete may underplay their ambition to fit in with teammates.

• An employee may excel at work, yet hesitate to ask for the salary they deserve.

If you ask for your worth, you fear being excluded; if you don’t, you abandon yourself. It feels like we are trading our authenticity for acceptance.

As Marianna Williamson wrote “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us”.

The need to belong may sometimes come in our way of authenticity. It could be tied to our loyalties within our family system. Our very bodies are wired to seek inclusion- leading us to downplay our needs and silencing our true desires.

Yet Bert Hellinger, founder of Family constellations reminds us: When we take our place, we give others the freedom to take theirs.

True belonging does not demand self-abandonment. It begins when we honour both our individuality and our place within the family or organisational system- standing in our truth while still being connected to those around us.

Perhaps the greatest act of belonging is giving permission to ourselves to be authentic.