The Psychology of Fixing: Why We Do It and How to Stop

Are you someone who jumps in to fix other people’s problems? Do others come to you for solutions, guidance, or clarity- as if you’re the “expert” in their lives? Do you also feel overwhelmed when things get challenging for others and feel the need to protect them?

Being helpful can feel rewarding, but there’s a hidden side to this dynamic: people may also resent it. Most individuals prefer to solve their own problems. When we jump in too quickly, we may unintentionally take away their capacity to solve their problems.

Fixing is often not just a habit-it can be a trauma response. Fixing gives us a sense of control and safety. And beneath this lies a deeper, unconscious belief:“I am the one who causes things to go wrong, so it must be my job to make things right.”

This pattern frequently originates in childhood.A child who grows up with unpredictable, moody, or emotionally volatile parents starts to believe they must manage or soothe the parent’s emotional state. The fear response and the resources to deal with parental stress collapses. The child learns to “fix” things as a way to survive.If the parent is angry, distant, or explosive, the child may internalise it as:“I am bad and I caused this, so I must fix it.”

As adults, these individuals may:

• Step in too quickly to solve others’ problems

• Carry emotional responsibility for others problems

• Feel uncomfortable when others struggle

• Believe they must keep everyone happy

• Become the “rescuer” in relationships or workplaces

Fixing gives a false sense of control and temporarily protects the person from the deeper pain that remains unprocessed. When we don’t receive from the mother and instead try to parent her, this dynamic often repeats in adulthood- we end up wanting to “mother” everyone else.

What happens when you let go of the fixer in you?

You face the real, vulnerable part of you, the part that experienced the original trauma.The part that learned to be useful instead of being seen.The part that felt responsible for emotions that were never yours to hold.

Healing means moving from being a fixer to a supporter.From being a rescuer to being present. From trying to save others to recognising that- People are capable of saving themselves.

One mantra that could help you is repeating- "I am not your mother"

When you let go of the fixer role, your relationships begin to thrive. You become grounded, authentic, and connected- not because you solve everything for others, but because you trust them to navigate their own lives.